Don't Let This Happen to YOU!

Sunday I was on the way to pick up my mother's chainsaw from ACE Hardware in Weaverville.  If you don't know this already, Ed is the man! He can fix anything and he knows how to do it cheap and easy. Fast, cheap and easy should be impossible [2/3 law] but he had the repairs done in 48 hours.

Where was I? Right, on the way to pick up the chainsaw . . . and just around the corner form my driveway I notice a veritable tragedy that I have passed day after day.

Of course on weekdays I am never home during daylight hours so I have an excuse, but still I wish I had known about this sooner.  What's that? Just looks like an ordinary home, with an odd painterly aspect to the photo?  Okay, here is a closeup of that big fuzzy space taking up half of the front yard:

Don't let this happen to you!  Someone somewhere near you will certainly take away your dead wood for free before it goes to rot!  If you don't know anyone, tell me and if I can't come and get it myself, I will find someone for you!

I had a horrible imagining . . . back to the first image with the dumpster trailer in the foreground: there is a little orange loop sitting on the porch roof.  Without the aid of a super-expensive sawdust filter, you can clearly see that this is a power-cord attached to some sort of power-tool, a drill if memory serves.  I checked yesterday and the drill is still up there on the roof, after at least one night of heavy rain.  So I imagine: this homeowner cuts down the tree early in the fall of 2009, then moves up to a project on the roof, and falls to an untimely death in the back yard.  A total recluse living off the grid and having property taxes paid up years in advance, no one is the wiser as feral cats and squirrels feed off of the body until nothing remains but a pile of bones covered in crunchy leaves. Oh, and thus the tree rots in the front yard.

There are more likely explanations as to why a rotted out tree cut into two sections would be filling half of the front yard. 1) This tree was 'recently' felled, but was already rotting from the inside.  2) This is a serious procrastinator who is constantly promising to get to it later. Obviously it is a combination of the two (or my twisted story) — who leaves a drill attached to a power cord on the roof for four days in the rain?

How can you tell your tree is dead or dying?  A) It will stop producing leaves.  B) Large sections of bark may be peeling away / eaten away by tiny bugs or mold. If this happens, find someone who can take care of it for you. Like I said, if you know someone with a CHAINSAW they might do it FOR NEXT TO NOTHING, especially if the wood is nice and thus valuable to someone WHO IS A WOODWORKER WITH POWER TOOLS. And also especially if they already owe you a favor for the time you babysat their kids and also that other time they picked you up from the hospital [HINT Sloan and Kat].

UPDATE:

I don't think anyone died!
On Friday the trailer was gone.
Today the power cord is gone.
The rotten dead tree is still there
but my morbid imagination was clearly working overtime . . .

] j [